You don't need 2 feet to put one foot in front of the other.

I love this scene in Dodgeball.  Sadly it is appropriate for this post.  And of course I too love "The Ocho" 

Here is my tale of shame, turned around by a friend.

I had planned to walk/jog the Crescent City Classic 10k this year but was busy talking myself out of it.  I didn't need to spend the money, I'm injured, I have a blister, my knees are bad, I need new running shoes,Blah blah blah wah wah wah.  Then my friend and fellow comic, Jake Potter asked me if I'd walk it with him.  That put all my excuses into perspective, 'cause Jake in on crutches after a recent amputation taking 8 inches MORE of his left leg.  

A tale of 2 egg rolls or Food is better than Sex

When I tell people food is better than sex they often say "Well you must be doing it wrong".  I say to them, you're the one doing it wrong, the food part.  A good meal lasts longer, often feels better and is as satisfying when you're alone as when you're with others.  

You can do it 6 or 7 times a day EVERY day.  In the car while driving, at work, really anywhere, anytime with anyone or alone.  An entire industry is in place to provide you with food in all its forms day or night.  If you're poor the government will give you money to buy food.  Churches offer free food.  In Vegas you can get sushi delivered on a naked woman.  Who's the star of that show?  The food!

I'm too sexy for my weight

Obesity is NOT attractive.  Not to say that one cannot find an overweight person attractive.  I am living proof that the generosity of women in that regard never ceases to amaze.  I'm saying that we are biologically, instinctively attracted to people who are NOT obese.  And I can prove it.

I blame Al Copeland

My drift into morbid obesity, my first 100 extra pounds is all because of chicken magnate, serial bridegroom, and larger than life self promoter, Al Copeland.  Allow me to expand.

When I got out of the army in 1986 I had already pushed my weight from 164 to 180.  My first real job was managing a Popeyes restaurant for the Marriott Corporation, Marriott considered acquiring the chain.  After training I went to work in Rockville Maryland the area where I grew up.  This was the busiest store in the region.  Lines out the door every lunch.