His Excellency, President for Life, Field Marshal Al Hadji Doctor Skip Guidry Dada, VC, DSO, MC, Lord of All the Beasts of the Earth and Fishes of the Seas and Conqueror of the British Empire in Africa in General and Uganda in Particular, and the Uncrowned King of Scotland

If I was in charge, like really in charge, like emperor of the world, king, supreme commander with special emergency powers that bestowed upon me hegemonic control..... I could fix a bunch of shit right away.  I would be a true philosopher king. There would however, be blood.  Shit would get real and right quick.

Fix number 1:  Health care

Ready?.....

Health Care for things you do to yourself is NOT a right, it's a privilege.

Self inflicted illnesses and conditions are not covered until the behaviour that caused them is stopped.

Or in laymans terms: if you did it to yourself, fuck you, you're on your own.

The majority of the illnesses plaguing America can be CURED by diet, exercise and hydration.  Eating right (vegan), walking, running or biking daily, and drinking enough water.  Those three things, diet, exercise and hydration will CURE most of the health issues in America.  DIET, EXERCISE AND HYDRATION WILL CURE MOST HEALTH ISSUES.... IT FUCKIN' CURES MOST ILLNESSES. HELLO IS THIS THING ON?  CURES ALMOST EVERYTHING!!!!!

The cure for everything, who knew?

Let me break it down further.  If you are a fat fuck (like me) and you have congestive heart failure, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, diabetes, joint pain etc.... until you lose the weight and modify your diet no meds or treatments are covered.  Health care for self inflicted shit is a privilege not a right.

It has to be this way.  Tough love is the only love.  I know that I wont change until I absolutely have to.  It's human nature.  We have to be forced to take care of our selves.  If forced... we will, if not forced... we wont.  As supreme ruler I'm here to bring the tough love.

I've been to the doctor for lots of self inflicted conditions and they don't even bother to suggest behaviour modification.  I asked my doctor why and he said.  "No one will do it so why waste my breath."

Well now that I'm in charge you have to change or die.  If you're obese and diabetic your meds are no longer free or covered until you lose weight.  Is this sinking in?  If you can make it better with diet and exercise and hydration you have to or you must pay for your own treatment and meds. Until you lose the weight, change the diet, drink some fuckin water..... no meds or treatment.  Get it? Lets move on shall we?

If you are a drunk and need a liver too fuckin bad.  If you can pay for it fine, if not, fuck you.

Smokers with COPD?  You guessed it, fuck you, you'll get nothing and like it.

I'm not saying you can't smoke or drink or be fat.  Do what you want but now YOU take the risk not the rest of us.  You have to pay your own way.

If you drink and drive and get hurt, no coverage.

If you injure yourself while pursuing a dangerous hobby, no coverage. You don't get to jack up my insurance premiums because you "just had to go parasailing in Cancun" and now you need 4 operations and 6 months of rehab to learn to walk again.

Obesity alone costs America $200 BILLION every year.  Add to that accidents from motorcycles, jet skiing, parasailing, heli-skiing, wilderness hiking ($3 million every time one of those assholes get's lost and the park service has to rescue them).  Smoking and drinking contribute to multiple health problems.  The CDC reports that smokers cost the country $96 billion a year in direct health care costs.  Alcohol costs us about $223 Billion.  I've just saved us a half a trillion dollars in ONE FUCKIN YEAR!  

With the money saved by not covering self inflicted shit we could fix this broken system.  Money enough to cure cancer, Spina Bifida, MD, MS and other horrible shit that afflicts people thru no fault of their own.

There is precedent for this.  I have a motorcycle license and I took the safety course so I can ride without a helmet in states that allow it.  But if I choose to not wear a helmet and I get into a wreck I am responsible for head injuries, not the state, not my insurance, me.

So forced personal responsibility is my fix for health care.  Tune in each week for fixes for over population, crime, abortion, the war on drugs and immigration reform.  

Oh and one last thing about health care.  We're going back to the old school nursing uniforms.  I've been married 3 times, all nurses.  Its clear I have a problem.  But what's the use if being in complete control if you can't abuse it just a little.