Don't you wish your boyfriend was hot like me?

Look at the picture above.  Be honest.  What do you see?  Hold that thought we'll get back to that in a minute.

I am very easy on myself.  I judge myself by my intentions and everyone else by their actions.  Oh and I expect everyone else to as well, I mean judge ME by my intentions not actions.  And could you also lavish me with praise when I STOP doing some self destructive thing? I live for the Cheap POP!.  Here's a link to an old blog post that defines a "cheap pop".

I need to lose about a hundred pounds. Still, not just from the sad pathetic high of last year (293 yikes) but from now.  I weighed in Wednesday at 254.  I'm 5'10" I should weigh 166.  I did once, right out of basic training.  I was so thin my mother walked right by me at the MP School graduation.  My own mother didn't recognize me at the right weight.

It's not crazy to set a goal of an appropriate weight. To not stop until I'm at a healthy weight.  I need to lose 88 pounds from right now.  That's a whole Olsen twin, a model, or a Pussycat Girl before the breast augmentation.  

To get there I need to look at myself with an honest eye, not with a cruel eye ( I have Justin Kincaid for that) but the eye of truth.  To that end lets go back to the picture above and get honest.  

I chose it because I like it.  I think I look healthy and not un-fit.  More than one friend has commented on how much they liked it.  But I looked at it again as if it were a stranger or someone who was dating my ex-wife.... and here's what I saw.

I was there when I got dressed.  I have a mirror (to which I never turn sideways BTW)  I saw the hot mess that was there before the spandex squoze me into a burrito shape. I look like Homer Simpson.  The ice cream cone lower half and a giant scoop o' fat guy on top.

I'd like to be able to take my shirt off at the beach.  I'd like to not look horrific naked.  I'd really like to be a healthy weight.

So I have a ton of work to do.  The ironic part is all I have to do is eat as my body is deigned to eat and I'll get there.  Seems so simple.  

Of course when I lose all this weight I'll need to have the excess skin removed.  I'll have 160 pounds of sausage in a 300 pound skin.  Got to be at least 15 pounds of skin to take off.

But the skin removal is a whole other post for much later.  Thank god chicks did scars.