First I had to "break into" the little workout room. There is a 3'6" gate around the pool at my complex. The workout room is in this area. There is a lock on the gate to get into the pool area and today it was locked.
Now normally, a locked gate at 6am would have been enough to send me back to bed or at least off to Denny's for breakfast but not now. I am doing my miles no matter what. I girded my loins and scaled the little fence in, what I'm sure was, an embarrassingly uncoordinated manner. Of course I hurt myself a little in the process and caused some strain, but I was in.
Nothing was working for me. I dropped my tablet trying to get set up, I tangled my ear buds....it was shaping up to be one of those mornings.
Life is pain, anyone who tells you differently
is selling something- Wesley: The Princess Bride
I got on the damn treadmill and was instantly ready to quit. I was doing my warm up and just wanted to get off the damn thing. No "good feeling", no "I'm so glad I did this" just bitter and pissed for 24 minutes.
I cranked up the music and started to run....and immediately slowed back to a fast walk. I just wasn't up to it. My back hurt, my knees hurt and I just wanted to stop.
But I have a rule. I can make the time longer on the treadmill but never shorter, I don't have to run but I have to stay on the thing and keep moving the whole time. So I did.
It sucked and never got better. There was a 30 second period that was OK with some AC/DC cranking and then it was gone, 30 seconds out of 50 minutes.
I got my stuff back into my gymbag and headed for the gate and realized it was still locked. I had to "escape" from the pool area. So I grabbed a small side table from the pool and used it as a step ladder. I got out with a little less effort then it took to get in.
I know this is some truly weak ass shit to be complaining about. Oh boo hoo my workout was less than awesome... inside... in the climate controlled, carpeted, special, private exercise room..in my comfy clothes designed for exercise...and my new shoes..with clean water and a towel and music and TV to distract me... po' me!
I know sometimes this endeavor will be hard and unpleasant. And in many ways I would be disappointed if it was not. I do like to "feel" things.
When I joined the Army I, like the millions before me, went thru "Shock Treatment". This is a tradition, in the Army at least. When the new recruits get off the bus a sea of drill instructors is waiting for you. They grab you and scream at you. You don't know which way to turn. One minute you think you're following instructions correctly and the next, 3 Drill Sergeants are yelling at you because you are as wrong as it is possible to be. Honestly I thought it was wonderful. It was real. I would have been disappointed if it had been less intense. But there were guy's crying. I mean common, crying, really? We weren't going to Shawshank... we were at the US Army Military Police School, I was fairly sure they wouldn't kill us.
There was a purpose to shock treatment; it bound us together by shared experience and introduced us to the concept of paying close attention to instructions. It set the scene for what was to come. I wouldn't give up that experience for the world.
That memory gives me perspective as well. There is a purpose to this morning's painful experience. I now know that I am committed. I am keeping promises to myself. 50 minutes a day, 5 days a week, no matter what.
I write a lot of "all is wonderful" posts and I wanted to remind myself it's not all roses. Some days this is just gonna suck hairy clown ass. But then life is like that.
I'll leave you with a quote from Al Swearengen the proprietor of the Gem Saloon on the HBO Series Deadwood. Al gets it.
In life you have to do a lot of things you don't fucking want to do. Many times, that's what the fuck life is... one vile fucking task after another. - Al Swearengen: Deadwood
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