"What cha readin' fer?" - Bill Hicks

One of my favorite bits by Bill Hicks (comics' comic and social comentary genius), has Bill in a Waffle House reading a book and the waitress asks him "What cha readin' fer?".  His response; "I guess so I don't end up a Waffle waitress" 

I get a similar question.  "What cha stop eating shit fer?"  But the answer is not so obvious.

I’ve made changes in my diet and lifestyle that are radical.  As a result I have lost significant weight (7 weeks 42lbs) and it is noticeable.  I’ve had quite a few people ask me about it. I tell them I went vegan. They want to know why.  Why now?   Answering that simple question is harder than it should be.  Honestly I don't know. 

It's not enough that the changes I am making are healthy, smart and prudent.  That they were desperately needed.   Not enough that I will undoubtedly live better and longer as a result.  Those are not good enough reasons because I needed to make those changes for those reasons everyday for the last 30 years.  

Add to that, that I live in Mississippi, USA; the fattest state in the fattest country in the history of the world.  Talk about eating for optimum health in Mississippi.... people will automatically look at you like you're crazy.  "Wait a minute, you don't eat no bacon... no cheese... none at all....why? You like sick er sumpin'?"

So again:  Why all this change and why now?

Truthfully I have no explanation.  I'm not dying (well not more than usual), I'm not like sick er sumpin' (well I could call in sick everyday and never be lying but I'm not acutely sick).  I just happened to be exposed to the right info at the right time and it all fell into place.   Suddenly it all seemed to make sense.




I made this change by the wildest of chances and confluence of events.  It's dumb luck that I am on this path.  Truly it is amazing.  I was the last person anyone would imagine to go vegan.  I was a poster child for processed food, excess, sloth and nutritional apathy.

Before this change, I could have not been on a more different path if I had tried.  My whole life I ate like a 300lb 10 year old let loose in a mall food court with a fist full of $100’s. 

My nutritional history is shameful.  I ate pretty much whatever I wanted my whole life.   Almost always the choice was based on my personal desires. What was I "hungry" for? What did I want?  How did I want to feel? What was cheap.  I was the worst kind of junkie.  I loved fast food, especially McDonald's. I was doing Super Size Me years before Mr. Spurlock even considered his 30 day binge
I was 30 hears old before I ate a tomato, or a salad, or an apple or ANY GREEN VEGETABLE. That is not hyperbole, I am serious. I had never once eaten a vegetable other than a carrot in Campbell's chunky sirloin burger soup.  I never even put a pickle on a burger. 

I can't remember eating a piece of fruit.  I may have had an apple but if I did it was once or twice in 30 years.  Never ate an orange, I couldn't pick a pear out of a line up.  I had no idea what a grapefruit or a cantalope tasted like.  NO FRUITs, NO VEGATABLES.... 30 YEARS.

What did I eat?  It was meat, potatoes, pasta, rice, gravy, (gravy is a food category right?), bread, cheese, eggs, milk... All kinds of fast food, pizza, burgers, fried seafood, chicken, cheese steaks, Chinese take out (American style Chinese dripping with fat), donuts, 900 calorie coffee drinks, ice cream.  Chips and dip, beer and nachos.  Bushels and bushels of french fries drenched in catsup.

I never considered how what I ate would affect my health.  And why should I?  What do you get for eating healthy?..... What's the "pay off".... ain't all that much really.   The reward is subtle.   For most people the benefit is not remotely worth the sacrifice. I ate like a drunken Rotweiler at a Golden Coral for 40 years before it caught up with me.  And honestly if I wasn't so damn fat I wouldn't have considered the change.

　

It is a quandary... I ate what ever I wanted and nothing happened.... it was pretty much without consequences.  I ate as much as I wanted and didn't die, or ever really got sick. I got fat but that was only a minor annoyance in my immediate reality.   My insane food choices had no real “cost”.  Well none I noticed anyway.

Sure there were some problems:

 I had high blood pressure, and high cholesterol, and I was pre-diabetic and I was short of breath all the time and I was depressed and I had trouble sleeping and my joints hurt all the time and I was developing erectile dysfunction and had dizzy spells....  But I saw none of this as a problem.  Certainly nothing I needed to fix with any lifestyle change.  I just approached each symptom and treated it.  Blood pressure meds, cholesterol meds, anti-vert, pain meds, blue pills, sleeping pills, inhalers, nasal sprays, sleep aids, 5 hour energy drinks and more processed foods.

I guess that sounds bad when you write it all down like that but really I didn't mind.  Even all togeteher it was not enough of a problem to consider making any real changes.

I had a life, of sorts, that I had worked out around my addiction to food.  I ate what I wanted, got fat, then got too fat, freaked out, lost some weight and started the process over.  That was my life, for the last 30 years.  On a 5 year swing of 50-100lbs.  Most of the time fat and sick but not enough so to make me stop and take notice. 

I could see that there could be more to life.  On those frantic sprints to lose some weight I felt better and enjoyed life more.  At heart, I am vain and selfish.  I want to look better and feel better.  I want to be admired as well.  Big and fat, sweating and wheezing.... not admirable traits.  But I also LOVE my food.  The cost benefits analyses just didn't work out in favor of fitness.  Kettle chips and sour cream onion dip always won out

I wanted to "BE" fit I just didn't want to "GET" fit.  I had been thinking about it for a long time when some things just came together.

I had a milestone birthday on the horizon, I hit 49 and realized I was turning the corner headed for 50.  I have a young son.  I need to live another 30 years. 

One day it dawned on me.  I was not too old.  I was not too out of shape.  I could have a life worth living and be fit, healthy, attractive, active and full of life.

But even then I was not ready.  Had I not seen Dr. Joel Fuhrman on Dr. OZ, had I not found his book for free online, had I not been ready to hear what it said.  I would never have undertaken this change. 

So why?  I don't know.   The real question is why did it take so long.