Put down the fork or the terrorists win!

The problem with America is it's filled with fat people.  And the problem with fat people is, they're, well, fat.  I have a plan to fix most of the big problems in America (big problems...get it?).  All we have to do is throw all the fat people under the bus.  Luckily, due to my particular brand of self loathing, I'm OK with that.  But first some background.


Obesity is an epidemic in America. No surprise, right? We see it every day on the news. Every other ad on TV is for a weight loss product or an ad for fattening foods. Something has to be done.   I have an idea, and it just might be crazy enough to work.   I think you will come along with me on this if we can get on the same page with the idea that being fat is bad.   It is an addiction to food and addiction is bad.  We need to stop enabling addicts and throw down some zero tolerance policies.

Just how bad is obesity for America?  It is the single biggest CURABLE problem we face.  More than 1/3 of all Americans are obese (BMI of 30+).   Obesity is the number two cause of preventable death in adults AND youth in America; #2!  Worse than smoking and drinking COMBINED!

Being overweight or obese increases the risk of: Breast cancer, Coronary heart disease, Type II diabetes, Sleep apnea, Gallbladder disease, Osteoarthritis, Colon cancer, Hypertension and Stroke.  Diseases once thought to be only in adults is now showing up in under 30-year olds.    Oh and being fat...  it costs a TON of money!  Annually $369.4 billion.
 

$190 billion -- That's the amount of added medical costs every year that are estimated to stem from obesity-related problems. This total amounts to nearly 21% of total U.S. health care expenditures. 

$164 billion -- The Society of Actuaries estimates that U.S. employers lose this amount in productivity annually due to obesity-related issues with employees.  Plus as additional $6.4 billion is estimated to be lost due to employee absenteeism related to obesity.

$9 billion -- The cost of gasoline to cart the fat people back and forth to the Wal-Mart and McDonald's; $4 billion a year; $5 billion in additional jet fuel costs due to obesity.

$369,400,000,000.00 because we're too fat.  And that's every year. 

We are dying because we are fat, we are sick because we are fat, we are straining our health care system because we are fat.  Burning more fuel because we are fat AND...AND .... Obesity is 100% preventable and curable!.

I have a solution.  Make me America's Obesity Czar, I'll fix the problem, save health care, medicare, balance the budget and save Social Security....... in a week.  The war on FAT starts NOW!  Here is my four point plan.

Thin People Only!

No Fats Allowed

# 1 Lose the weight or get cut off.  Being fat is no longer covered.

If your illness or medical condition is curable by diet and exercise and you are over weight, health care for that condition is NOT covered.  Insurance carriers can deny any claim for a chronic illness that is exacerbated by obesity.  No meds, no visits, no surgery, no coverage.  Lose weight, stop eating salt and fat OR pay for your own damn insulin, Lipitor and diuretics. 

Harsh you say?  But wait, there's more! The systematic discrimination of fat people continues:  This no coverage for fat people means employers will not have to cover obese employees.  If you're fat you can be fired for missing work because of an illness that has to do with obesity.   BEING FAT IS NO LONGER AN EXCUSE FOR ANYTHING. 

If you missed work for being hungover you'd get fired, right?  You'd get fired for doing drugs all night and falling asleep at your desk, right?  Why should food addicted people get a break? 

With no free or insured treatment for fat people, no prescription drugs for fat people, no surgery for fat people, we'll save BILLIONS right away. In a little while we'd have less fat people.  They'll either lose weight or die from their illnesses.  Fuck 'em.  Put the fork down fat ass!

# 2 No fat kid left behind

If your kids are obese you can be charged with child abuse and sent to prison; your kids go to a state run, vegan, re-education camp run by humorless, feminist, vegan, lesbians (is "humorless" redundant?).

# 3 Vegan Stamps, use EBT at the farmers market!

Food stamps can only be used for fruits and vegetables, no sugar, no salt, no wheat, no dairy, no animal products. If we're gonna pay for your food we get to decide what you eat.   You can only get free food that will not make you sick.  The way it works now, people buy crap food with food stamps and then get hypertension and diabetes and then get health care from the government.   The cycle stops NOW!

# 4 Doritos Locos Taco Tax

A health tax on nutritionally bankrupt food.   Doubling the cost of all fast food and snack food. A 100% tax paid directly into the health care system.  About $150 billion per year in new revenue.

Americans now spend more money on fast food than on higher education, personal computers, computer software, or new cars. They spend more on fast food than on movies, books, magazines, newspapers, videos, and recorded music - combined.

That's my plan.  My plan will save America more than half a Trillion Dollars a year.

With the savings and the new tax on bad foods we can offer tax breaks for the fit.  We can become a nation of  healthy, productive people.   We can enjoy a balanced budget; Erase the National debt getting those skinny Chinese off our back.  It would work.

Understand:  I'm not saying lose weight, if fat is what you want to be that's fine just don't expect for the rest of us to paid for your self inflicted illnesses.

Let the world tremble at the new super power.  The U.S.A, fit, healthy, rich (again) and determined.  And we can win the war on terror, start exporting Doritos, Taco Bell, KFC and McDonalds to Iran.  Better than a smart bomb.